Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A Change is Going to Come
Lost in my head today, feeling ambitious and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, things are moving forward I can feel them, all around me. I signed up to take my final teaching test today, and then it's official I can teach. This concept both excites and scares the pants off of me. I'm thankful for a job posting that really pushed me to get it done. It's exactly what I'm looking for and in a neighborhood I use to live in and like alot. Maybe I'll get it, maybe I'm too late, but the thought of sometime better is enough for me. I think I have a bad tendency to settle, to be to comfortable and excepting of my situations that I sometimes don't try to be all that I was meant to be. For instance I love my current job, I love being a manager and promoting the business, and teaching classes, and painting pottery, but at the end of the day I have nothing truly to show for it. The studio is not mine, all I do is for others and it's not fulfilling anymore. I want my own something, classroom and home. Again I love my current home, I live in a house I grew up in, rebuilt it with my husband. My cats love it, I get to spend time with my grandma and my parents, but living there I feel so used. While I am close to family,I am taken for granted by them, I am asked to maintain an entire yard I don't own, pick up toys that were scattered by kids that aren't mine, and care for and find homes for kittens that I shouldn't have to. I'm tired of having to be patience and understanding of other peoples misfortunes and irresponsibilities, I have worked too hard to be held back out of guilt or hope that I will make a difference to people who don't want to change. It's a new day, time to start moving on and leaving the past behind, it's a big world and I deserve to have a happy place it in.