This is the first day of the rest of my life...

I have taken 24 days of my life and put all my energy into find a teaching job. I have not let myself paint, or draw, or blog, or work on my website, just job hunting. And today after the long and winding road of trying to get a professional job to call my own, I was offered a teaching job at 8 am this morning. I got to visit my future classroom, heard the words salary and benefits, oh my god! I can't believe this is real, but at the same time it feels so natural. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and every thing I have ever wanted out of my life is obtainable. So here it to the beginning of the rest of my life, now I can relax and enjoy the rest of my summer in peace!!!

Manic Creative Energy

Man my brain is swirling around with ideas and things I want to accomplish that my brain might burst with excitement and anticipation!!!!!
So before that happened I decided to jot down my ideas before I forget them all in this surge of ambition.

First and foremost I want to use my art to help people, since an art therapy certification is not in the cards for me right now, I want to try to change the world one tiny way at a time, here are the bare bones of my ideas

• Paint bowls to donate or sell to raise money for local animal shelters


• Sell some artwork to donate money to the Animal Rescue for the recent oil spill


• Get some celebrity bowls signed for Empty Bowl Project


• Raise some money to help rebuild the playground at Brooke Elementary


• Host a fundraiser for an OCD organization

Uhhfooo breathe.

On top of that I also want to start chipping out a place in the art community for myself. I want to create products to sell at festivals. Get prints made of some of my artwork I cannot part with, and really try and get out there and develop skills, including

• Caricaturing, and drawing pets


• Exploring my love for making cute ceramics


• Learning to make jewelry


• Having a show of my own


• Writing / illustrating a children's book

And on top of all these things, I just want someone to give me a real teaching job, so I can have a stable permanent home and have that part of my life mapped out and in place.

ahhh there now I wont forget anything.

reinVENTING

Haven't wrote in a while for fear of breaking on of my resolutions, dwelling on the negative, but I realize that I have to vent and get it out somehow, for it has stunted my creative growth and therefore caused me to not make art or write for weeks. So right now I'm sad, my favorite cat disappeared and hasn't come home, job hunting is awful, makes me feel like an unorganized cow, and I had been feeling like a sloth. I know now reading this it could be worse, but I get stuck in a rut and I'm ready to snap out of it. This week has been alot better, I started working out and eating better. This has given me more energy to brainstorm and find new ways to deal with my unhappiness. I have a new plan of action for finding a job, no more of these cattle call job fairs, its time to take a more personal approach and not worry about whose shoes I might step on. I have found a creative project to deal with the loss of my Chu, and allowed myself to be devastated no matter what others think. What people don't understand is that I lived on my own for many years and the only company I had through all of Jeff's absentances were my pets, and now my Chu who I had for 5 years since she was a little Christmas kitten chewing on my belt, being toted around in my purse, sitting in the passengers seat of my car cat is gone. Time to move on, think I'm gonna volunteer at the animal shelter this summer, help other kitty find homes. Anyhoo, just feeling blue, tomorrow will be a better day...

Reclaiming My Youth

I've decided to try to reconnect with my high school self. I realized looking through a bin filled with letters, artwork, poetry, and pictures of my teenage self, how much I missed that girl. She was so sincere and romantic, reading poems that I wrote and so fearlessly put out there, make me blush and cringe now. And they shouldn't, the old me wasn't afraid to love whole-heartedly, and be a little dramatic, and see the movie magic moments in the everyday life. When I was younger I was a dreamer, and a big old mush, I'm going to try to reconnect with that part of myself before I became jaded by the real world. This could be fun, most of my close friends never knew me when I was a writer, wanting to live in the dessert in New Mexico and write movies and learn how to paint. I'm going to try once a week to put some of my old self out there, I want to be that girl again!

This was my favorite piece or artwork I made my senior year, the one and only year I took an art class in high school. It's a mono print that I went back over with chalk, it was shown at the AISD end of the year student art show.

Spring Break

Spring Break for me came a week early, I had a very soothing spiritual trip to the beach. I tried all week after to put it into words why and how the ocean is so healing and helpful for me and all the things I did and learned in the 3 days I was away, but I just couldn't. Sometimes I think it is better to just experience, rather than try to capture or document. I think this photo and quote do it best...

-Everything in life can be heal by saltwater

Whether through sweat, tears, or sea.

Farewell to February

With the end of another month just checking my resolutions to make sure I'm keeping them in tact. I succeeded in making 2 artworks a weeks, experimented with mediums and ideas I had wanted to for a while and didn't question if it was stupid or silly. Been keeping up with my blog, I realize that the writing everyday would be way to hard to keep up with, so as long as I blog a few times a week I feel happy with myself. Bank account still in the positive, paying my bills, treating myself to art supplies and movies when I'm good. Still no small shoes! Planning my first trip for the year, to the beach here I come, where hopefully I will get some time to tan and finish my book that I started in January, ugg the only resolution I have been bad on, reading! I am such a ridiculously slow reader, I relish every word, it takes me forever to get through a book. It's okay, to make up for each month I don't finish a book I have to double up for the following, so I am now making myself responsible for finishing the current book and two others by the end of this month. Lastly for getting active in the community, I'm in the beginning stages of two projects I want to make happen. The first, to collaborate with an old friend on a new mural for our elementary school. The second is to paint and sell custom dog and cat dishes, then for all profits to be donated to different animal shelters and clinics. Well yey for another month, let the good times keep coming.

P.S: Plus I passed my final certification test, I can officially teach in Texas as of February 19th!

My NOT so secret Lovers

So I went to go see Shutter Island last night and during the whole movie I kept thinking Leonardo Dicaprio kinda looks like Jeff. Aww he's crying I want to cuddle my Jeff, weird they have the same nose...This then forced me to evaluate the other list of my celebrity crushes and realize that my friends are right I have a type! Maisha laughs at me because every time I think I am being scandalous in having a crush on an actor that is not my husband, she pop my bubble and says Yes He IS! She is not the only friend to remark on my type of guy, they are for the most part usually dirty blonde, with light eyes, stocky, with prominent jawlines and pointy noses. The more I think about the more I realize it's true, uggg all my fantasy crushes look in some way, shape or form like my husband, I'm such a lame-O!

Lets Look!The First: Leonardo Dicaprio, loved when I was 13 pre meeting Jeff

The Longest: Paul Walker, an active boyfriend of mine, fell for when I was 18

The Latest: Sam Worthington, current boyfriend as of May this year

The Hubby: been with since I was 15 married at 23

I'll let ya'll be the judge, am I truly in love with the same type of guy?!?!

So this is Love

I truly enjoy how Valentines has evolved over the past 12 years that me and Jeff have spent it as a couple. It started like all Valentines do when you are a young couple in highschool, you give the chocolates in the expensive heart shaped box, and get the dozen red roses, sprinkle on a stuffed animal, card, romantic dinner and the day is done as soon as it began. This year I think I had the best Valentines day yet. It was a whole weekend of celebration since Jeff had to work 3 to 11, plans for an extravagant celebration flew out the window, and simply hanging out together was the goal. Jeff came and took my Starry night class, which was exciting for me, Jeff has never seen me teach and I got to share that part of my life, helping him paint a famous image that is important to me. On Saturday at midnight, I guess it was really Sunday, we exchanged gifts, I got him an assortment of fancy truffles from Godiva because he is the candy lover, and a bag full of Jeff movies like, Zombieland, Land of the Dead, Beowulf, to name a few and promised to watch them with him soon. I received a bundle of my favorite Gerber daisies, I love daisies, and kind, any color! A cute butterfly balloon that I had a hand in picking out since I was beating him with it at HEB earlier that day. And most amazingly a WHOLE cherry pie from Luby's. I can not even begin to explain my obsession with the cherry pie at Luby's, it's like no other, holy cow! We had a Sunday lunch at Panda Express, and tapped off our night by venturing out into the jungle behind our house to turn up the water heater, yey for HOT showers, no more luke warm ones, it was perfect.

A Change is Going to Come

Lost in my head today, feeling ambitious and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, things are moving forward I can feel them, all around me. I signed up to take my final teaching test today, and then it's official I can teach. This concept both excites and scares the pants off of me. I'm thankful for a job posting that really pushed me to get it done. It's exactly what I'm looking for and in a neighborhood I use to live in and like alot. Maybe I'll get it, maybe I'm too late, but the thought of sometime better is enough for me. I think I have a bad tendency to settle, to be to comfortable and excepting of my situations that I sometimes don't try to be all that I was meant to be. For instance I love my current job, I love being a manager and promoting the business, and teaching classes, and painting pottery, but at the end of the day I have nothing truly to show for it. The studio is not mine, all I do is for others and it's not fulfilling anymore. I want my own something, classroom and home. Again I love my current home, I live in a house I grew up in, rebuilt it with my husband. My cats love it, I get to spend time with my grandma and my parents, but living there I feel so used. While I am close to family,I am taken for granted by them, I am asked to maintain an entire yard I don't own, pick up toys that were scattered by kids that aren't mine, and care for and find homes for kittens that I shouldn't have to. I'm tired of having to be patience and understanding of other peoples misfortunes and irresponsibilities, I have worked too hard to be held back out of guilt or hope that I will make a difference to people who don't want to change. It's a new day, time to start moving on and leaving the past behind, it's a big world and I deserve to have a happy place it in.

stuck between a rock and a cold place

That's kinda how I feel tonight. The last week of January began with such promise, I was making good on my resolutions, and moving full speed ahead and then, wham!nothing. By Friday I entered this fog and was so exhausted I slept all weekend, missed a day of work,and got no project completed. To make matters worst I still have two kittens in my home that I am extremely attached to. So attached to that my stomach is doing flip flops as I posted an ad on Craigslist. I hate the idea of the kittens going to someone I don't know, there are crazies out there and I don't want a crazy to get my kitties. All this drama and coldness later caused me to create an awful painting to end/ begin the month, ugg its freaking a tree and a rock! I tried to push something worth while but this piece of crap is all that came out. I guess that's how it goes sometimes, not everything can be a masterpiece, life gives ya lemons so ya gotta make lemonade and all that encouraging lingo, blah, blah. Plus I haven't finished my book yet, but I truly don't want to rush it, I'm so wrapped up in it. Also my website is so close to done, think I'll put it out there this weekend for sure. Stupid weather put me under the weather and now I'm behind! Ugg and speaking of the weather, I'm gonna just vent on the weather for just a minute, it's awful, do I live in Austin or Seattle because these days I can't tell anymore, this rain is driving me insane. I was definitely a cat in another life, for I hate with all my might getting wet, I wouldn't even take showers if I wouldn't get all smelly and gross. Man I'm totally wigging out on this blog, I just reread those last few lines and realized Jeff is right I totally sound like that little girl from that commercial, " I don't like broccoli...."

Observation of my Oddities...

Today as I was driving to work I got to thinking about my goofy rituals that inconvenience my life. Like for instance how every day I go to work I tote along with me, what Jeff calls my big bag of crazy. Which is a rather large Andy Warhol inspired tote bag that contains, my laptop, it's plug, my bristol board pad, a large spiral for developing this story I have in my head, a small journal to take notes in, my wallet, chapstick, my book of the month, a book on writing fiction, my camera, the usb plug for my camera, some charcoal pencils Maisha gave me, canvas trading cards, and tiny miscellaneous bit and ends. Then on top of that I take my craft box, which hold all the essentials for making my hairclips and pendants, and most recently my table top aisle with a trap draw full of pastels, color pencils, markers, ect, all because I have this deep rooted fear that I will have inspiration or time on my shift to be creative. I never do, so when I get home after a long day I have to drag all that crap back to my house, because god forbid my art boxes hang out in the car overnight. You never now that drunken bum that walks by might peek in my car and decide that he want to color. Yeah I realize it I'm crazy, wont deny it,ugg!

January's Ending

So since there are only 6 more days of the month, I thought I would take a minute to list and log my current progress on my resolutions...

I have succeeded in making 4 pieces of art for the past 4 weeks, that's on schedule.
I have written a bit but am not at the everyday mark yet but I'm getting there.
I am currently reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" but am only like 100 pages into it, I need to jump on the reading wagon and bust out 400 hundred more before Feb. 1st, but I'm off this weekend and a bulk of it shall get done then.
I have rid my closet of all size 8 shoes and donated them to a sixteen year old who will make better use of them.
My contribution to the community is taking in and finding homes for a litter of helpless kittens. I have found homes for 3 of them so far, 2 more to go before Sunday, fingers crossed!
My bank account is in good standing, catching up on bills and staying in the green equalled a DVD treat for myself cause Blockbuster has movie 3 for $20!
Working on the self promotion, got the shell of a website going, taking pics of things for Etsy and getting new business cards made yey!
Ah (sigh) my cup is runith over...

Resolutions

This has got to be the first year ever that I have actual resolutions and am being strict to keeping to them. I have deemed 2010 the year of creation. I have resolved to create a piece of artwork at least once a week, to write at least once a day, even if it's just a little, and to read and finish a book once a month.
Other resolutions include:
-to grow out my hair, I kinda miss it, and have consistently had short hair since senior year of high school.
-to only buy size 9 shoes, I have a big foot that lingers between a size 8 1/2 and 9, yet I'm delusional to believe that size 8's are comfortable. Yeah they are fine for walking around the department store for five minutes when you first try them on, but completely sucks after a night on the cobble stone downtown.
-to not overdraft my bank account, this trend is what causes me to get into unnecessary debt and rely on Money Box to cash and keep 1% of my checks, it's time to financially grow up!
-to get involved in more organizations and volunteer. Before I entered the work force I volunteered alot and working with the Empty Bowl Project last year really reawakened that desire to help out in the community.
-to go to more concerts, the plus is that most of my favorite bands are from the 90's and their tours are cheaper now that they aren't mainstream. Seeing Third Eye Blind was such a surreal experience, I traveled back to my 14 year old semi-charmed life.
-to travel, even if it small trips like to the beach or to visit family, a change of scenery is good for the soul.
- and lastly to commit to creating a means for myself, promoting my art and crafts, along with my teaching abilities, I've been praised for my teaching skills, I was student teacher of the year for crying out loud, but I'm so scared and insecure with not meeting the hype and expectations that I've been hiding. No mas, time to get out there and see what I can do!

Relating to, or Resembling

heathery: adjective Of, relating to, or resembling heather.

I've decided to create this blog as a means of documenting the journey I plan to take in this new year. 2010 marks the beginning of my life without the distraction and obligation of school, and I am making it my mission to dig up and conquer projects and desires I have buried over the past 8 years. Formal school is awful in that it robs you of all desire to create because there is so much pressure and grade point average looming behind it. For the past 8 years I have been told by professors to pick a subject, pick a medium, when all I want to do is dabble in them all. When I graduated from high school I was certain I was going to be a writer. I wrote poetry, got into screenwriting, had a completed short and 38 pages of s script written when I just stopped. Life got complicated, I got anxious and without practice or passion the ability to write was lost. This forced me to find a new outlet, art, art was the easy choice, it's what comes natural to me, and this is what make it ideal for me to teach, art is me. But as much as I love art and teaching, I don't feel complete. I long to write, to create imagery and play with words. I feel that if I can find balance in both my outlets that I will be whole, a real Heather, who I'm suppose to be...we will see.